I am not sure how to title this. So I will start – somewhere – and end somewhere else. Circular, spiral or linear, or even noncontiguous.
I know a person in whose view I can do no right, or more appropriately I know of a person … She doesn’t like unsolicited advise; with one of the major components of the definition of “unsolicited advise” is me saying anything to her pretty much about anything.
Now for the incident, or really a non-incident since nothing happened except me upsetting myself. (I will come back to that point later.) While the next part may seem Monty Pythonish – being now for something completely different, it is related. I make connections. I am very good at it, seeing patterns and relationships and putting things on top of other things. This said, when skimming blogs, webpages, email, the internet in general, and I see something of interest , I will recall a friend or two who may be interested in the subject. Bats are an interest of several Twitter friends, therefore I frequently send out links about bats to these people. It is no big deal, if they are not interested they may not even respond. Yet, many seem grateful, or at least polite about it.
That should be enough of a foundation. The other day, I was informed of a very good deal on stun guns, sort of like Tasers, but cheaper. The thoughts ran through my tiny brain, who would be interested in this type of self-defense device? I know of a young woman, going off to college in the big city; this may be very useful!
That is when the proverbial shit hit the fan in my head. I don’t believe it would be a major hyperbole to state her mother would rather die than for me to suggest her daughter take advantage of this deal – if the information came from me. That part of my mind that though it would be nice to let them know of this deal started being berated by the logical part about how that was one of the most fucking stupid ideas I have ever had. It started reciting polemics of her subdued vitriol. Words that superficially are not harsh but corrosive. The truth is that there is no way I could directly present anything to her that she could and would not convolute into a negative. The most I could ever hope for is a neutral – like “We are not interested.”
Logic fortunately won, and I ignored the offer. I said nothing. I do wonder if others may have been interested, but I could not take the emotional risk that day.
So the question is “Why am I beating myself up?” Why try even think about being nice and kind when she wouldn’t recognize my intent if it was delivered as a notarized deposition under penalty of perjury in a certified letter? I need to stop this shit! I fear only death or dementia will free me.