Well Halloween is just around the corner and I have been thinking about spirits, ghouls and of course ghost. So I did a bunch of Googling terms and I came across the following.
Ghosting, there are several common usages, one is used for Craigslist ads vanishing and there are two other definitions that caught my eye, because they are emotionally contrary. One is joyful with spirit of playful mischief in the Halloween season and the other morose, with insolence for others.
The first Ghosting is where one surreptitiously leaves a bag of treats and a note on a neighbor porch informing them they have been ghosted and with instructions to ghost two more neighbors.
The other “Ghosting is the act of disappearing, leaving a relationship and a person without as much as a “by your leave,” much like a ghost that would vanish into thin air.”
I don’t have any experience with the first, but I do with the latter. A while back a person I know ‘pulled a goddamn Keyser Soze on me, and like that, she was gone.’
I paused at this point in writing – gave it a good thought and decided to delete the meandering feelings and just put down the basics.
- Confusion, guilt, void – What did I miss? What did I do? Ghost is a good word – haunted.
- Catch-22: If only I could open up a genuine honest communications, but that is exactly what the other is avoiding – so now I am the bad guy.
- Closure: There is none.
I my case, communication was just occasional emails; there are twitter friends who I have communicated more frequently, etc. But still –
Now for other’s views:
“You’ve probably been ghosted at some point (I’m so sorry!) or maybe you were the ghoster (shame on you!). You may still be haunted by past ghostings. I know I am. Not because those ghosters were hard to get over, just because they pissed me off. There are many psychological reasons why an otherwise decent-ish person may ghost: cowardice, weakness of character, self loathing, narcissism, or pathological fear of hurting feelings. But are we going for decent? Don’t most of us want to be better than decent? But honestly, all of a ghoster’s justifications for their disappearing acts are irrelevant. Why they vaporized into thin air is not important. It’s the fact that they did.”
Abbreviated: Why you should not ghost
- Ghosts are haunted.
- Honesty is the best policy.
- You risk getting a stalker if you ghost.
- It’s a vicious cycle.
- And if we are being honest here, we have to say that ghosting does not make anyone look like a nice, caring person.