Archive | May, 2012

My Little Pony

31 May

A Tale of Management

I work in a large hospital that is highly rated with a national reputation, even thought the reputation was earned some 30 years ago. The administration is proud of this point and publicized it. This is done to the point and with an attitude that it was the administrators who are responsible for this honor and not the physicians and nurses.

This perception leads to a circular logic where they believe they know best and stop projects because, if we are already the best, we don’t need that – even if it is the standard of care.

The other day I was trying to explain this using an analogy of a child-parent interaction, where the parent is always right. When we, the child, make a request, the administrators (parent) dutifully listens to what we want and need then to proceed to buy what ever they want, because they know better.  Even when provided them with minute details as to the failings of their choice, they have an idiotic retort, like ‘we can get this one faster.’ (But we have already waited 6 years, what is 4 more months?)

And now for my analogy:

A little girl’s parents ask her what she wants for her birthday. She says what she really, really wants is a pony. (Who wouldn’t?)  On that special day, her dad tells her at breakfast, “Guess what honey? We got you a pony!”

The girl squeals with delight and runs outside to see her pony. Her father brings it around the house hobbling behind him. The little girl dumfounded exclaims, “It only has 3 legs!”

“Yes, but it is a pony”

“I can’t ride a 3-legged pony!”

“Of course you can, just not very fast, at a hobble. You can always sit on it. Just don’t approach it from its right side. He has a bad eye and will bite.  And after a couple of minutes of sitting on him, you will need to get off.

“Why?”

“He’s temperamental.”

“So, you got me a pony with 3 legs, and a bad eye that bites?!”

“Yes, we got you a pony! Aren’t you happy?”

“NO!

“It is not every little girl who gets her own pony for her birthday. You are nothing but an ungrateful spoiled brat!”

“But is it is a dud pony. I cannot gallop or jump with it.”

“Well those are actually safety features. And damn it, it IS a pony – so shut up!

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The Walrus and the Carpenter

14 May

This is the Lewis Carol Poem translated from English through a few languages via google translate and back into English.   For the original: The Walrus and the Carpenter

A little bit amusing.

The sun is shining star of the sea;
Brilliant for all possible:
He strives
Billows smooth and shiny
And it was weird because it was
Middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because he thought Sun
If a business
After the day –
“It is very unpleasant for him,” she said,
“To come and spoil the fun!”

The sea was wet as wet could be,
Sands were dry as dry.
You can not see a cloud, because of
No clouds in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead –
There were no birds to fly.
Walrus and the Carpenter
Walk at hand;
They wept like anything to do
Such quantities of sand:
“If passed,”
He said, “It would be fabulous!”
“If seven girls with seven mops
He swept a half years.
You, “the walrus said, to think,
“May they be?”
“I doubt it,” Carpenter said,
And a bitter tear.
“O Oysters, come and join us!
Praying walrus.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant thing,
Sea along the beach:
We can not exceed four,
Lend hand to each. ”
The eldest Oyster looked at;
But he never said a word:
A wink to the older eye Oyster,
And shook his heavy head –
This means it has chosen not to leave
The oyster bed.
But young Oysters hurried four;
To deal with all odd:
Their coats were brushed their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat –
And it was strange, because, you know,
They had no legs.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at the end;
More, more, more –
All jumps through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

Walrus and the Carpenter
I went a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Facilitating:
Oysters and all permanent
And while running.

“The walrus said,” The time has come
“To talk of many things:
Shoes and ships and sealing wax –
And kings – of cabbages –
And why the sea is boiling hot –
And whether pigs have wings.
“But wait,” the oysters cried,
Before “we have our chat;
Some of us are out of breath,
And we’re all fat! ”
“Carpenter said quickly.
“A loaf of bread,” the walrus said they like that.

“What we need mostly:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are really great –
Now you’re ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed. ”

“But we!” Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
“After such kindness, can be
A sad thing to do! ”
“Beautiful night, the walrus said.
“What do you admire the view?

“It was nice of you to come!
And you are great! ”
Carpenter said nothing but
“Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not completely deaf –
I had to ask twice! ”

“It’s a shame,” the walrus said,
“To play them such a tower;
After we brought this day,
And coming so fast! ”
Carpenter said nothing but
Spread butter too thick! ”

“I am for you, the walrus said:
“I really pity.”
With cries and tears he sorted
Those big,
Taking his handkerchief
Before his eyes streaming.

“O Oysters,” said Carpenter,
“You had a pleasant run!
Often we travel should be at home again? ”
But answer came there none –
And this was scarcely odd, because
They all ate.

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And this is why I will continue to look like a sasquash

1 May

I recently received a Groupon offer for laser hair removal. Being a hirsute individual with more than ample ear and back hair, and chest hair, I decided to give it a look.

Oh my lord, look at the non-discounted cost!

Small Areas

  • Back of neck (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Bikini line (up to a $1,300.32 value)
  • Cheeks (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Ears (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Eyebrows (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Front of neck (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Hairline/forehead (up to an $844.32 value)
  • Hands (up to an $844.32 value)
  • Feet (up to an $844.32 value)
  • Sideburns (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Underarms (up to a $1,300.32 value)
  • Upper lip (up to a $649.56 value)

Medium Areas

  • Full face (up to a $1,300.32 value)
  • Lower arms/forearms (up to a $2,276.64 value)
  • Shoulders (up to a $2,766.64 value)
  • Upper arms (up to a $2,276.64 value)

Large Areas

  • Abdomen (up to a $1,300.32 value)
  • Chest (up to a $2,766.64 value)
  • Brazilian (up to a $1,948.56 value)
  • Buttocks (up to a $3,247.56 value)
  • Upper back (up to a $3,247.56 value)
  • Lower back (up to a $3,247.56 value)
  • Upper legs (up to a $3,247.56 value)
  • Lower legs (up to a $3,247.56 value)

It’s like they charge by the hair! I am in the wrong line of work people.