It seems that the life lessons I need to know come well after I could have used them. I use to be on Twitter; then one day things deteriorated rapidly. I may have started it, but mine was a pebble followed by an avalanche. Did I learn anything or just relearn what I have forgotten? I think it is the latter.
A “new” lesson is that if I want to increase one’s blog hits, get a controversy going with someone who is popular and play it out on your blog. Not quite the appeal of sex, more like a traffic accident.
Well, after years of being an introvert, cautious, fearful, I appeared to have come out of my shell. I started taking social risk. People noticed and were complementing me as I had never happened to me before. I have always had a close group of friends – my comfort zone. I did not readily venture beyond that comfort zone and for good reason – at least to me. I was anxious. Every time I did something negative happen. Obviously my self-esteem, my ego is not so secure that I can brush these aside as ignorant or stupid comments. Intellectually, I know they are, but my intellect, my reason, is not always in control of my emotions. I find myself asking now “What did they mean by that?” at the most innocent of remarks and seeing them in a pessimistic context. No point rehashing the details; they already consume my thoughts.
I really see no point of taking risks at the moment, going outside my comfort zone, trying to interact with strangers, old friends or old acquaintances whom I always wanted to know better.
Baby, do you understand me now?
If sometimes, you see that I’m mad …
Don’t you know no one alive can always be an angel,
When everything goes wrong, you see some bad.
But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good:
Oh Lord! Please don’t let me be misunderstood