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The Walrus and the Carpenter

14 May

This is the Lewis Carol Poem translated from English through a few languages via google translate and back into English.   For the original: The Walrus and the Carpenter

A little bit amusing.

The sun is shining star of the sea;
Brilliant for all possible:
He strives
Billows smooth and shiny
And it was weird because it was
Middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because he thought Sun
If a business
After the day -
“It is very unpleasant for him,” she said,
“To come and spoil the fun!”

The sea was wet as wet could be,
Sands were dry as dry.
You can not see a cloud, because of
No clouds in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead -
There were no birds to fly.
Walrus and the Carpenter
Walk at hand;
They wept like anything to do
Such quantities of sand:
“If passed,”
He said, “It would be fabulous!”
“If seven girls with seven mops
He swept a half years.
You, “the walrus said, to think,
“May they be?”
“I doubt it,” Carpenter said,
And a bitter tear.
“O Oysters, come and join us!
Praying walrus.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant thing,
Sea along the beach:
We can not exceed four,
Lend hand to each. ”
The eldest Oyster looked at;
But he never said a word:
A wink to the older eye Oyster,
And shook his heavy head -
This means it has chosen not to leave
The oyster bed.
But young Oysters hurried four;
To deal with all odd:
Their coats were brushed their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat -
And it was strange, because, you know,
They had no legs.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at the end;
More, more, more -
All jumps through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

Walrus and the Carpenter
I went a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Facilitating:
Oysters and all permanent
And while running.

“The walrus said,” The time has come
“To talk of many things:
Shoes and ships and sealing wax -
And kings – of cabbages -
And why the sea is boiling hot -
And whether pigs have wings.
“But wait,” the oysters cried,
Before “we have our chat;
Some of us are out of breath,
And we’re all fat! ”
“Carpenter said quickly.
“A loaf of bread,” the walrus said they like that.

“What we need mostly:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are really great -
Now you’re ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed. ”

“But we!” Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
“After such kindness, can be
A sad thing to do! ”
“Beautiful night, the walrus said.
“What do you admire the view?

“It was nice of you to come!
And you are great! ”
Carpenter said nothing but
“Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not completely deaf -
I had to ask twice! ”

“It’s a shame,” the walrus said,
“To play them such a tower;
After we brought this day,
And coming so fast! ”
Carpenter said nothing but
Spread butter too thick! ”

“I am for you, the walrus said:
“I really pity.”
With cries and tears he sorted
Those big,
Taking his handkerchief
Before his eyes streaming.

“O Oysters,” said Carpenter,
“You had a pleasant run!
Often we travel should be at home again? ”
But answer came there none -
And this was scarcely odd, because
They all ate.

And this is why I will continue to look like a sasquash

1 May

I recently received a Groupon offer for laser hair removal. Being a hirsute individual with more than ample ear and back hair, and chest hair, I decided to give it a look.

Oh my lord, look at the non-discounted cost!

Small Areas

  • Back of neck (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Bikini line (up to a $1,300.32 value)
  • Cheeks (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Ears (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Eyebrows (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Front of neck (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Hairline/forehead (up to an $844.32 value)
  • Hands (up to an $844.32 value)
  • Feet (up to an $844.32 value)
  • Sideburns (up to a $649.56 value)
  • Underarms (up to a $1,300.32 value)
  • Upper lip (up to a $649.56 value)

Medium Areas

  • Full face (up to a $1,300.32 value)
  • Lower arms/forearms (up to a $2,276.64 value)
  • Shoulders (up to a $2,766.64 value)
  • Upper arms (up to a $2,276.64 value)

Large Areas

  • Abdomen (up to a $1,300.32 value)
  • Chest (up to a $2,766.64 value)
  • Brazilian (up to a $1,948.56 value)
  • Buttocks (up to a $3,247.56 value)
  • Upper back (up to a $3,247.56 value)
  • Lower back (up to a $3,247.56 value)
  • Upper legs (up to a $3,247.56 value)
  • Lower legs (up to a $3,247.56 value)

It’s like they charge by the hair! I am in the wrong line of work people.

Amazing Evolution

29 Apr

I went out for a walk yesterday with my dogs around the neighborhood. For some reason I have a compulsion to photograph mushrooms and mushroom-like stuff, although I have never had a perfect boob mushroom like Jenny, aka the bloggess. (Too lazy to link at the moment even thought it is recent.) Mine, if they look like boobs at all, are old granny boobs or bad plastic surgery.

But yesterday I came across some fascinating fungi that shows you just how powerful  and fast evolution can work. Here is an example of a fungi whose fruiting body looks just like a tennis ball, and here is another. Amazing.

This transformation will result in small children picking them up aiding in the dispersal of its spores. Even more efficient is when they are tossed into the air and hit with a tennis racket. WHAM!  Far more efficient than being dispersed at ground level like the rest of the fungi.

But this one has me puzzled.

Why does it look like a disposable cup. What possible evolutionary advantage does that have. Still working on it.

This is a photo of lichen on a fence. If you squint and turn your head slightly it looks just like a founding father, George Washington or Thomas Jefferson, I cannot make up my mind yet.

(Note: I lied. It looks like lichen on a wooden fence. Those could be GW’s teeth. He should have brushed more often and flossed!)

I may not have found my fungus boob yet but I still think it is a Win-Win for me and Jenny.

Only I think this funny

1 Apr

This is a response to Jenny Lawson’s video advertising her new book, “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened.”  So this ruminated around in my head for a few minutes and I found it very entertaining and amusing – and I believe I am the only one who think this. Since no one reads this blog but me, I will look back on this and giggle and wonder why it was not universally praised.

A conspiracy going back over two millennium has recently been uncovered. Documents written in Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek and Coptic show a pattern among Early Christian Bishop and Rabbinical councils to independently redact humorous sections of the what is known as the New and Old Testaments. Discovery of the documents involved an extensive search of early Vatican, Orthodox, Coptic and Synagogues records. Early church authorities believed that a more serious tone was required  for the sermons and that “the funny bits” were a distraction. One early Bishop’s letter complains that the urine odor after the preaching of these passages was just overwhelming the following week.

Preliminary reviews of these documents by Biblical scholars state that the humor is wide-ranging and translates remarkable well, even the ancient puns. “It is as if it were divinely inspired!” one translator was overheard saying.  Another scholar confidentially said she understood why so much had been hidden. There are these stories of Jesus as a practical joker. He was particularly fond of raising-the-dead during a funeral service and seeing the histrionic reactions of the relatives.

The religious authorities and secular scholars agree on that all work shall remain unpublished until the full codex is available. Even so the sniping has already begun. One Vatican Cardinal has been reported to say that “the Jews has been secretly using this material for centuries and that accounts for the phenomenal success rate as comedians.”  The only item that the scholars agree on is that once this material is published, the Bible will be the funniest book ever!

Now I ponder why I am the only one who thinks this is funny:

  • It’s not funny and I am warped
  • It is too sophisticated
  • Lack of fart jokes, which is really the same as above
  • It’s funny; no one has seen it.
  • People take religion way to seriously!
  • Just buy her book if you actually want to laugh.

Me messing with a wrong number

8 Mar

Yesterday, I started getting texted messages. And me, being in a jackass mood responded, but not too bad in my opinion. Then she gets gansta on me.

Image

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At this point, she called me and I answered. “FBI, Mark speaking.” Silence – hello – hello – hanged up

Then she called back, answered, “FBI, this is Mark, can I help you?”  And she went into how some one was texting back to her and she wanted it to stop. So I told her to stop texting. Then the following:

Image

Mrs. Mousebert’s comments were that I was rude and “I can’t believe anyone would talk to their grandmother that way!”

This is Annoying

28 Jan

A late update

1 Jan

I promised myself to post to my blog before the end of the year – so I don’t have much time.
-Failed-

Clueless!

The obvious thing is to write about the New Year and its meaning. The endings and beginnings. I don’t have a good handle on that but I can take a metaphorical swing at it.

Endings: I visited my mother the week before Christmas. Her mind is deteriorating. Oh, she is has medical problems but is healthy in the areas that count for longevity – good lung and heart. Unlikely to have a stroke or heart attack. While she complains – a lot – she was feeling better given the amount of energy and time spent fussing at me and the Mrs.

Let see, just to name the highlights, I need to lose that gut, we spend too much money, we are wasteful because we keep turning on the lights to see, I used the wrong trash can, and I put coffee grounds in with the regular trash! With her memory going we would discuss these issues to where I thought they were resolved, but he next day it was all new to her. It was like the movie Groundhog Day.

I feel guilty for getting so upset with her, but there are those old buttons she knows how to push. Didn’t yell or do anything mean, mostly sulked.

Lost opportunities: So many regrets. It would be nice to pass along all the life lessons I have learned to my children, but as the years go by it is clear they have to make their own mistakes. What is my job? Keeping them from making too big of mistakes, catch them when they fall or help pick them up. Not sure I doing so well. I see the failures, not the successes.

Cats: Nothing to do with the New Year that I can see. May be too subtle or I’m too close.

We have one cat that is relatively fearless. If I ry to get him to shoo so I can get into a box he is on and he just stares at me. Literally I have to pick him up and move him. Other cats in the house hear me coming, crouch down and scamper off. One does this regularly, other occasionally. My suspicion is that if they are in a good position to trip me, they stay put. I know they think my job is to rub them on demand and to open doors.

Tomorrow will be another year.

things worth believing in

26 Jul

Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love… true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.

Hub – Secondhand Lions

VLT (Very Large Telescope) HD Timelapse Footage

27 May

Awesome

Another Mother-in-Law Crisis

25 Apr

MIL: Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, my television is on the blink.

Ms.  Mousebert: What’s wrong now mother?

MIL: I don’t know. It started acting funny, so I started pushing all the buttons on the control thingy and then on the TV and cable box, and now all I get is static. I’ve tried disconnecting things and plugging things back in.

Ms.  Mousebert: Well you did the right thing, because when you have a problem the first thing you should do is push all the buttons you have no idea what they may do and start disconnecting and  plugging then back into God knows where, instead of calling me first.

MIL: Well that makes me feel better. I thought I might have screwed it up.

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